Our year of Jubilee

   Let me start by that I will never stop being in awe of how great my God is. I am so amazed at how He speaks to me and fulfills His promises. This precious baby growing in my belly is such a testament to that. Finding out that this little one is a girl Saturday and then confirming it again yesterday was such confirmation to what God had spoken in the months before.

   In the nine weeks between our miscarriage and getting another positive test there were countless prayers, and not just over a baby. Joel was at the point where he had about a year left in his contract, so he had a choice to make as to if he would reenlist for a few more years and try to PCS to Ft.Stewart or if he would get out for us to move back home. As we prayed for clarity in which direction to go, it was abundantly clear that either way would be going home to Georgia, but that staying in the army at Ft.Stewart would provide a little bit of stability when he transitions out and back near our family. We had this time of Jubilee where we would be returning home at the end of 2016. We were so excited to be moving closer to family, near one of our favorite cities (Savannah), and also having a short drive to the beach! 

   We were also deeply praying over a baby. There were times where we would pray together before bed, Joel would roll over and fall fast asleep, and I would lie there continuing to pray for a little one. It was in those moments that God worked. There were two nights that I had vivid dreams of a bald baby girl. I was on the phone with my mom one day telling her about the dreams while I was out shopping, and she begins to tell me that my dad felt the Holy Spirit telling him our next baby would be a girl. At the time, I didn't know what to make of it all. It was this overwhelming moment of knowing a baby was coming, but not knowing God's timing of when. A few weeks later, in my routine of praying as Joel slept, a piece of a chorus to a song I grew up hearing in church was laid on my heart.

  Lift your voice, it's the Year of Jubilee. 

   This sweet little phrase rang through my head and has stayed on my heart. I could not for the life of me think of the name of the song though until one day it hit me: Days of Elijah. As December rolled around and we got a positive test, I knew without a doubt this baby was a girl. I told Joel and my mom her name would be Jubilee. My mom of course loved it, but Joel thought it would be better suited for a middle name. Plus, he thought the baby would be a boy. As I searched and looked for boy names, nothing really sounded good. I definitely had a girl's middle name and a few ideas for first names but could not for the life of me settle on any boys names, I had it set in my heart that this baby was a girl. Flipping through the baby name book, I ran across the name Emerson and fell in love. I thought it was a perfect name for a little girl, especially after reading the inherent meaning, "victorious," and the Scripture with it Psalm 20:5. The other plus was that it isn't common, and that it also reminds me of Ralph Waldo Emerson, who is one of my favorite writers. I've seen so many different spellings of it, however we finally settled on Emersyn, because it ends -yn like my name. :)

   The year of Jubilee in Biblical times was every 50th year. It was a year of returning home, a year of joy, year that is holy, and a year of celebrating what God had done. Our baby is due almost exactly year after we had our positive test with Levi. When she arrives this year will have come full-circle from the hurt we felt five months ago. In January, my mom sent me further confirmation that Jubilee is this little girl's name. Whole Magazine sends her alerts each morning, and she contributed an article to them a few months back. Well the alert for January 1st declares 2016 the year of Jubilee, "a time of freedom and of celebration when you receive back what was yours. A year to declare liberty and restoration in your life". Sweet little girl, our Emersyn Jubilee, you have already brought so much joy to our lives and we are so anxious for your arrival.

Little Miracle

  I have attempted over and over again to sit down and write this post. Each time I go to type out my thoughts I backspace and backspace until the page is once again blank. The past four months consisted of nothing less than a whirlwind of emotions. October was a month of heartbreak, of asking "why", of pouring into my Scripture looking for comfort and hope. It was a month that drew Joel and I closer together. A month that we knew without a doubt that we were "ready" and hoping for children to come along. There is this hole when you lose a baby, even in miscarriage. You lose your hopes and dreams, this future that you have carefully thought about for this small life you've created. It's hole that I don't believe will ever just go away, but that will eventually heal and grow smaller with time.

   As I dove into my Bible in the days, weeks and months following our loss many verses brought me comfort. My favorite was Genesis 25:21, it reads, "Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife because she was childless. The LORD heard his prayer, and Rebekah conceived." I often wonder if Rebekah had trouble conceiving. Did she and other women like Rachel, Hannah, and Elizabeth deal with losing babies too soon? I like to think that they know the frustration, and heartache I have felt and that is part of why their stories are so precious and included. Without their longing for children, there would not have been Jacob, Joseph, Samuel, and John the Baptist. Men that God used for great and amazing things. What stands out to me about Rebekah is that Isaac prayed on her behalf, which of course hits me right in the feels. Joel and I spent weeks and months praying. We prayed together, we prayed separately, we poured our hearts out in desperation over our longing for a baby. Oh how we prayed! Emotional could be considered an understatement for how I felt; half the time I was hopeful and the other half I was in full on tears. There were so many ways God revealed Himself and spoke to me, but that is another post for another day.

   December was hectic, with family visiting and preparing to travel back to Georgia for Christmas. We looked forward to what the new year held, finally moving back to Georgia and the possibility of going back to school or work. We focused on the areas of our life that we could see God working in, and continued to pray for His timing in having children. Little did we know that His timing was a lot sooner than we thought. The second week of December, Denver (our spoiled pup) started getting really clingy. I know dogs can sense things but I did not suspect a thing at all. Until, I mentioned it to my mom, who of course responds with "you're probably pregnant." I waited until that Friday to actually test, which happened to also be the day Joel's parents and two of his sisters flew in for his eldest sister's graduation. To my surprise, the faintest of faint pink lines showed up right next to the other pink line. I freaked out, text my mom, then my doctor, and then headed to the lab for blood work to confirm. Joel had no idea, and if it was a definite, I did not want to tell him until Christmas.

   That night I picked his family from the airport and attempted to keep that positive test in the back of my mind. We enjoyed a short visit with his family and dropped them off at the airport the following afternoon. Then I got a text from my doctor that my levels were 17, so possibly pregnant, since anything over 25 is considered pregnant. The doctor put in another order for blood work to follow-up the next week and to make sure my levels were doubling like they're suppose to. I told my mom the news, and eventually Joel guessed in a game of twenty questions to figure out what his Christmas present was. We were overjoyed and thankful. I basically took a test every day for the next week, to make sure the faint pink lines were turning into dark pink lines. By the next Friday, I headed into the lab for blood work, then we hit the road for Georgia. Sitting in traffic, a text popped up from my doctor that my levels were up to 444. Which officially meant we are expecting again! We told Joel's family, my siblings, and my grandparents all on Christmas day. When we came home in January we scheduled an ultrasound with the doctor. The baby was eight weeks along, exactly where it should be. It was such a relief to see our little one, this sweet promise of answered prayers, its heart flickering perfectly on the screen. Our last appointment was at ten weeks, once again our little one measured perfect and was so active wiggling, jumping, and waving.

   I am in such awe each day I wake up sick and exhausted in this first trimester. We passed the hurdles of measuring past six weeks and having a great ten week ultrasound. Every single day, I praise God and pray over this sweet little life growing in my tummy. We are so so beyond thankful for His faithfulness. Baby Reece is due August 23rd, about year after we found out we were expecting Levi. I am remembered, I am loved, and I serve such a good good Father. He is so faithful.

"Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!"

Luke 1:45

My Levi

   Oh my little one, how I wish I could hold you in my arms. How I wish I could see you grow up. I had so many dreams of who you would be, what you would look like, how your face would light up when you smiled for the first time. Your daddy and I knew about you so soon, finding out that you were in my belly at three and a half weeks along, and just days before then your little heart started its first beats. You daddy bought a rocking chair for your nursery that very weekend, because we were so excited. We got to see you a few weeks later, being stubborn just like me. Your little heartbeat flickered on the screen, and in that moment we knew we were parents. Little did we know that same little heart would stop beating just a few days later.
   I started a registry for all the things we would need for you, researching and picking out the absolute best we could afford. Your daddy and I bought your travel system that we were to use to take you home in just 7 months. Slowly, the little room that would be yours started to gain little baby things. We talked about what we would name you. You were and still are so loved. We couldn't wait to meet this little face that had made us parents, the life that had been given to us.
   And then week ten rolled around, and something was off. There were no signs of it being a miscarriage, but it was just off. Your daddy assured me you were fine, prayed over you and for my nerves to be calmed, and then he did something he hadn't done in the weeks before. He called you by a name we had picked out. He called you Levi. I went for my scheduled appointment to finally meet my doctor. We talked, addressed my concerns, and then checked on you with an ultrasound. I wasn't able to see you. The doctor looked concerned as she told me she couldn't find your heartbeat. My heart sank, tears came flooding, and I didn't want it to be true. My nurse came in and we cried; she was so encouraging. Then my doctor took me over to radiology for an emergency ultrasound. I waited in this cold, mostly empty room for what seemed like forever. And finally the tech came to get me. He didn't and couldn't tell me anything while he took his pictures and made his notes, but I knew. Your daddy got off work, called me, and then met me at the hospital; he drove us home just listening to me cry, and then held me while I cried the rest of the night. The next day I woke of crying, which pretty much lasted all day. I waited more than 24 hours before my doctor called to confirm what I had known in my heart the day before.
   My heart ached for you, I longed to know that you were still there, just being stubborn again. My heart still aches for you. For ten weeks, I carried you my little one. Ten weeks of putting my hand on my belly knowing you were there. Knowing you had small but functioning organs, little finger and toes far too small to see yet. Ten weeks of your daddy and I praying for you every single night: that you would grow, that you would be protected, and that you would be healthy. Weeks of craving hot sauce and donuts. Weeks of planning a dreamy nursery to bring you home to.
   But God had other plans. I will never know why you were given to us and then taken away so soon. Why I only had a few short months with you, the baby that stole my heart, but I never got to hold. What I do know: God is using our story. His light is shining in this dark moment, and it's bringing Him all the glory. His ways are good. He is a good good Father, and He kew the number of your days before I could even fathom them. He protected you, far better than what we prayed for. You will never know heartache or see the suffering of this world. I know that you are in a far better place, a home with the glorious King who created you and I, where I know I will one day meet that beautiful face that I have dreamed of these past few months. You will forever have a piece of my heart. My first baby, my Levi.

"For it was You who created my inward parts;

You knit me together in my mother's womb.

I will praise You,

because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.

Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.

My bones were not hidden from You,

when I was made in secret,

when I was formed in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw me when I was formless;

all of my days were written in Your book and planned

before a single one of them began."

Psalm 139:13-16

January Wedding

  

   For those of you who do not know, or those of you in shock.... SURPRISE!! After a lot of praying, talking, and reading in Bible study together Joel and I were married Friday night. I know many were surprised that we had only been engaged for three weeks, however I believe when you know, you know. On Friday morning I picked Joel up from the airport and drove down to the courthouse to apply for our marriage license. Eight hours later back at the courthouse, we exchanged our vows and our rings. Honestly, I do not believe I would have had it any other way. Neither of us like to be the center of attention. Plus, I would have been a nervous wreck getting married front of 150+ people. Thankfully, our family was in support of this and we had a small reception of just our siblings, parents, and grandparents. It was sweet and simple exactly like, if not more than we could have wanted. 
  I think that the movie When Harry Met Sally says it best, "When you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." Joel and I knew we wanted to spend our lives together, so why not go ahead and build our life together now? Especially when we have put Christ in the center of it all. I am so blessed to have married a man who loves Jesus as much as he loves me, and even more so he loves me as Christ loves the church. I've always been told and firmly believe that true love is putting the other person before yourself, which is what we strive to do and I pray we will continue to do. We have taken a big life changing step, but  we serve an omniscient God who knew our future together before I could even imagine it! I never would have thought that I would be married to the boy I had a crush on over a year ago, but Psalm 139:16 says, "Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written Your book and planned before a single one of them began." I am so excited to start this journey with my best friend. I know were made for each other; he truly is my other half and God certainly knew what He was doing when he brought us together. With that, here are a few of my favorite wedding photos: 

"The man said,

"This is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called 'woman,'

for she was taken out of man."

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."

Genesis 2:23, 24

I have found him whom my soul loves.

   One of my favorite books in the Bible is Song of Songs. I love the story that is created between King Solomon and his bride. Not only does it reflect the intimate relationship between a husband and wife, but it also reflects the relationship of Christ and His bride, the church, which we are called to have in Ephesians. Another reason why I love this book is because Joel included a passage of it in one of his letters to me while he was in OSUT.
   I don't think I can begin to tell y'all enough how much of a blessing he is. He has such a giving heart and always makes sure that I am laughing or smiling. He listens to me when I rant, tell him stupid stories, and when I'm down right confused on what to do. I praise God that he is a man who prays before every one of our meals and before he makes decisions. I am thankful that he seeks after God in everything that he does. People see Christ in him; one letter I got from him while he was training talked about how some of the guys had started reading their Bibles and were asking him questions. Most of all, he loves me, just as Christ loves the church. I have absolutely no doubt that Joel will be the leader of our household that God has called him to be.
   We took our engagement photos the Friday before he left to go back to Texas. Miranda, Joel's (and soon-to-be my!) sister-in-law, took some amazing shots. Pictures that captured our silliness and our love for one another. There were so many great ones that I wanted to include on this post, but I've narrowed it down to some of my favorites.

"His mouth is most sweet,
and he is altogether desirable. 

This is my beloved and this is my friend,

O daughters of Jerusalem."

Song of Songs 5:16

He has made everything beautiful in its time

   I met Joel Gregory Reece a year and a half ago. I had ran into a friend on campus who invited me to a church he was interning at and the college Bible study at his dorm. Lately I had felt God was calling me elsewhere to a new church community and I needed a group of people my age to fellowship with, so I took him up on his offer and visited.  One Sunday afternoon, all the college kids were meeting up at the dorm to have lunch and get to know each other before we started meeting regularly for the summer. That was the same day I met Joel. I had seen him around, we had some mutual friends and played ultimate frisbee at the same place, but I had never really talked to him. Plus, he's quiet. I think he barely said a word the entire time we were eating lunch that day. He tries to play the mysterious role, and can honestly do it pretty well haha. Over the next few months, he actually started talking to me though and eventually picking at me. Joel didn't really like all the sweets that I brought each week, so I had to start cooking real food every week to take to Bible study. We learned a little about each other, like we both worked our butts off at jobs and we both come from big families. I had a HUGE crush on him, but I'd never admit that. Like I would come home each week and tell my mom about him. He would walk me out to my car every week and carry my stuff, but never ask me on a date. Once school started, I had in mind joining a sorority and I did. It was something I felt would be good for me and something I thought I really wanted. I became busy with it and tried to balance it with our Bible study, but eventually everyone became busy and our group got harder for everyone to meet up. Jon, Joel's brother, was leaving for YWAM Hawaii, so we met for dinner one night. I remember Jon telling me to keep hanging out with Joel while he was gone, which was something I didn't do. Those next few months, we went for walks at Swift-Cantrell, went to dinner, and eventually stopped talking for about six months.
   Fast forward to March of 2013, Jon comes back from his YWAM trip and I am in need of guy chaperones for youth trip to Dare2Share. So I text Jon and see if he and Joel want to help out. Jon says okay and tags along on this awesome trip to Chattanooga where we see God move in the lives of so many middle and high school students. The next month, Jon invites me to his birthday dinner, where I am the only one there not related to him. I sat between him and Joel at dinner, of which Joel talked my head off and I learned that he had enlisted in the Army. He would be leaving in August for OSUT. Afterwards, we all went to a movie and I wondered what I had been missing the last six months. From then on I started going over to the Reece household each week for Bible study. Each week, Jon paired Joel and I up for prayer. I got to know his family, he met my family, we went to frisbee together, took a trip to Charleston, and saw a lot of movies. Joel and I started to spend just about every day together.  I guess you could say "the rest is history," but I don't necessarily believe that, our story is still being written. All during this past summer, over and over again I was told "this isn't a date" and "I'm leaving soon," but I very much knew that he was the one. I'm crazy about him and have been from the beginning. Finally, on August 1st, we sat in his truck and talked for a long while, one of many talks we had this past summer, and established that we we're indeed dating. A week later, was the first time either of us said "I love you." Then, on August 19th he left for OSUT at Fort Benning, and the next three months we wrote over one hundred letters. With a blessing in disguise, Joel was snowed out of Texas after his graduation at the beginning of December, and he was able to stay home for four days. Then come home again last week for Christmas, where Joel surprised me with the best Christmas present ever. On December 22nd, after our first real date, he took me to the Marietta Square and proposed! 

Our first "real" date

How he asked me to marry him

  I believe our relationship is such a blessing from an awesome God. It may have taken us a while, but it wasn't our timing, it was God's. Like Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time." I had to let go of my want to fit in with the crowd and God was working in Joel's heart too. While I wish I hadn't waited months to talk to him, I realize that it all worked out for our good. He has made our relationship beautiful, and He has so much more He wants to do.