This Morning...

   This morning, much like my mornings the past few weeks, I awoke to the little flutters of baby movements across my belly. Our sweet little girl has taken to reminding me that she's there right at 6am every morning. She moves and goes all day long, to the point where I am exhausted and ready for a nap by the afternoon. But with each little kick, hiccup, and flip I feel, I am more and more overjoyed to be carrying this little life. Joel has told me that every time I feel her move, I act as though I am feeling it for the first time, and I believe it. These sweet little movements will never stop amazing me from the little flutters, to her pressing on scar tissue. I hope to soak each and every one of them in until our Emersyn Jubilee makes her arrival.

   This morning, is also unlike most mornings, in that it is a day that we celebrate our mothers. A day that we recognize all they have done to raise us, all they have sacrificed so that we could have what we need, and all that they continue to do for us and our babies once we become adults. My mama is my best friend, and quite possibly the person I admire the most in the world. She shares my birthday and blessed me with her looks. She has shared in my triumphs and failures, my joys and my heartaches, broken arms, countless doctor's appointments, and late nights running high fevers. She's at almost every game, chorus concert, and school event, regardless of if she was staying up extremely late the night before working on a trophy order. She's our biggest fan, and the first one to stand up for us when we've been wronged. She prays over us, points us to Christ, and fights for us to know Him. She's not the best cook, but she's an awesome party planner. My mama deserves so much more than just Mother's Day. If I can be half the mom to Emersyn that she is, I will be grateful.

    So this morning, when I woke to a text from my mama telling me she's been a terrible mom this week and wishing me my first "Happy Mother's Day," I couldn't help but cry. It has been a rough week for both my mama and I. She had a tooth taken out this week and a kid with the flu. I have been battling sinus issues with the funky weather we've been having, dealing with Joel's forever long training days, realizing that some friendships aren't what they seem, and crying over the day that was our glory baby's due date. It's been a hard realization that I should have a one week old today, but it's been a week filled with love over our joyful little girl as we had great appointments to check on her.

    My mama, my mother-in-law, and my nana, all took the time this week and this morning to wish me a Happy Mother's Day, and I couldn't be more grateful for them. These wonderful women who have helped to mold me and my husband into the people we are, took the time on a day about them, to send a text or card to this soon-to-be mom. I have had the privilege of carrying two little lives in my womb, one I get to meet in just 15 weeks and the other I will meet in eternity. Two little lives that I prayed over, planned for, and loved more than ever thought possible. As my mama said in her text to me this morning, "you know the stretch, the depth, the love and the pain of a mother's heart." I have only experienced a small glimpse into the life of a mother. This Mother's Day for me, is this in between time as I wait for my little girl to be earth side. Next year, this day will be so much sweeter. My exhausted days and sleepless nights are only just beginning. Fighting for my child, worrying over her, and praying over her are things that I've come to know over the past 25 weeks and will only continue to do. Experiencing life with her, giggles, arguments, and seeing her grow into who God has created her to be will come all too soon.

    This morning, and all day today, I celebrate my mama especially and all the mothers in my life. Not just the ones related to me, but all those who have impacted and loved on me. Thank you all for pouring into my life, and for showing me so much of what motherhood is. For loving on your babies with such grace and beauty. You will never know how much it means to me to watch you as become a mom myself. Happy Mother's Day!

"Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, he praises her:

Many women do noble things,

But you surpass them all."

Proverbs 31:28, 29

Our year of Jubilee

   Let me start by that I will never stop being in awe of how great my God is. I am so amazed at how He speaks to me and fulfills His promises. This precious baby growing in my belly is such a testament to that. Finding out that this little one is a girl Saturday and then confirming it again yesterday was such confirmation to what God had spoken in the months before.

   In the nine weeks between our miscarriage and getting another positive test there were countless prayers, and not just over a baby. Joel was at the point where he had about a year left in his contract, so he had a choice to make as to if he would reenlist for a few more years and try to PCS to Ft.Stewart or if he would get out for us to move back home. As we prayed for clarity in which direction to go, it was abundantly clear that either way would be going home to Georgia, but that staying in the army at Ft.Stewart would provide a little bit of stability when he transitions out and back near our family. We had this time of Jubilee where we would be returning home at the end of 2016. We were so excited to be moving closer to family, near one of our favorite cities (Savannah), and also having a short drive to the beach! 

   We were also deeply praying over a baby. There were times where we would pray together before bed, Joel would roll over and fall fast asleep, and I would lie there continuing to pray for a little one. It was in those moments that God worked. There were two nights that I had vivid dreams of a bald baby girl. I was on the phone with my mom one day telling her about the dreams while I was out shopping, and she begins to tell me that my dad felt the Holy Spirit telling him our next baby would be a girl. At the time, I didn't know what to make of it all. It was this overwhelming moment of knowing a baby was coming, but not knowing God's timing of when. A few weeks later, in my routine of praying as Joel slept, a piece of a chorus to a song I grew up hearing in church was laid on my heart.

  Lift your voice, it's the Year of Jubilee. 

   This sweet little phrase rang through my head and has stayed on my heart. I could not for the life of me think of the name of the song though until one day it hit me: Days of Elijah. As December rolled around and we got a positive test, I knew without a doubt this baby was a girl. I told Joel and my mom her name would be Jubilee. My mom of course loved it, but Joel thought it would be better suited for a middle name. Plus, he thought the baby would be a boy. As I searched and looked for boy names, nothing really sounded good. I definitely had a girl's middle name and a few ideas for first names but could not for the life of me settle on any boys names, I had it set in my heart that this baby was a girl. Flipping through the baby name book, I ran across the name Emerson and fell in love. I thought it was a perfect name for a little girl, especially after reading the inherent meaning, "victorious," and the Scripture with it Psalm 20:5. The other plus was that it isn't common, and that it also reminds me of Ralph Waldo Emerson, who is one of my favorite writers. I've seen so many different spellings of it, however we finally settled on Emersyn, because it ends -yn like my name. :)

   The year of Jubilee in Biblical times was every 50th year. It was a year of returning home, a year of joy, year that is holy, and a year of celebrating what God had done. Our baby is due almost exactly year after we had our positive test with Levi. When she arrives this year will have come full-circle from the hurt we felt five months ago. In January, my mom sent me further confirmation that Jubilee is this little girl's name. Whole Magazine sends her alerts each morning, and she contributed an article to them a few months back. Well the alert for January 1st declares 2016 the year of Jubilee, "a time of freedom and of celebration when you receive back what was yours. A year to declare liberty and restoration in your life". Sweet little girl, our Emersyn Jubilee, you have already brought so much joy to our lives and we are so anxious for your arrival.