Little Miracle

  I have attempted over and over again to sit down and write this post. Each time I go to type out my thoughts I backspace and backspace until the page is once again blank. The past four months consisted of nothing less than a whirlwind of emotions. October was a month of heartbreak, of asking "why", of pouring into my Scripture looking for comfort and hope. It was a month that drew Joel and I closer together. A month that we knew without a doubt that we were "ready" and hoping for children to come along. There is this hole when you lose a baby, even in miscarriage. You lose your hopes and dreams, this future that you have carefully thought about for this small life you've created. It's hole that I don't believe will ever just go away, but that will eventually heal and grow smaller with time.

   As I dove into my Bible in the days, weeks and months following our loss many verses brought me comfort. My favorite was Genesis 25:21, it reads, "Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife because she was childless. The LORD heard his prayer, and Rebekah conceived." I often wonder if Rebekah had trouble conceiving. Did she and other women like Rachel, Hannah, and Elizabeth deal with losing babies too soon? I like to think that they know the frustration, and heartache I have felt and that is part of why their stories are so precious and included. Without their longing for children, there would not have been Jacob, Joseph, Samuel, and John the Baptist. Men that God used for great and amazing things. What stands out to me about Rebekah is that Isaac prayed on her behalf, which of course hits me right in the feels. Joel and I spent weeks and months praying. We prayed together, we prayed separately, we poured our hearts out in desperation over our longing for a baby. Oh how we prayed! Emotional could be considered an understatement for how I felt; half the time I was hopeful and the other half I was in full on tears. There were so many ways God revealed Himself and spoke to me, but that is another post for another day.

   December was hectic, with family visiting and preparing to travel back to Georgia for Christmas. We looked forward to what the new year held, finally moving back to Georgia and the possibility of going back to school or work. We focused on the areas of our life that we could see God working in, and continued to pray for His timing in having children. Little did we know that His timing was a lot sooner than we thought. The second week of December, Denver (our spoiled pup) started getting really clingy. I know dogs can sense things but I did not suspect a thing at all. Until, I mentioned it to my mom, who of course responds with "you're probably pregnant." I waited until that Friday to actually test, which happened to also be the day Joel's parents and two of his sisters flew in for his eldest sister's graduation. To my surprise, the faintest of faint pink lines showed up right next to the other pink line. I freaked out, text my mom, then my doctor, and then headed to the lab for blood work to confirm. Joel had no idea, and if it was a definite, I did not want to tell him until Christmas.

   That night I picked his family from the airport and attempted to keep that positive test in the back of my mind. We enjoyed a short visit with his family and dropped them off at the airport the following afternoon. Then I got a text from my doctor that my levels were 17, so possibly pregnant, since anything over 25 is considered pregnant. The doctor put in another order for blood work to follow-up the next week and to make sure my levels were doubling like they're suppose to. I told my mom the news, and eventually Joel guessed in a game of twenty questions to figure out what his Christmas present was. We were overjoyed and thankful. I basically took a test every day for the next week, to make sure the faint pink lines were turning into dark pink lines. By the next Friday, I headed into the lab for blood work, then we hit the road for Georgia. Sitting in traffic, a text popped up from my doctor that my levels were up to 444. Which officially meant we are expecting again! We told Joel's family, my siblings, and my grandparents all on Christmas day. When we came home in January we scheduled an ultrasound with the doctor. The baby was eight weeks along, exactly where it should be. It was such a relief to see our little one, this sweet promise of answered prayers, its heart flickering perfectly on the screen. Our last appointment was at ten weeks, once again our little one measured perfect and was so active wiggling, jumping, and waving.

   I am in such awe each day I wake up sick and exhausted in this first trimester. We passed the hurdles of measuring past six weeks and having a great ten week ultrasound. Every single day, I praise God and pray over this sweet little life growing in my tummy. We are so so beyond thankful for His faithfulness. Baby Reece is due August 23rd, about year after we found out we were expecting Levi. I am remembered, I am loved, and I serve such a good good Father. He is so faithful.

"Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!"

Luke 1:45